Dear Mr. President and Members of our Board,

Although it has been an intoxicating experience to serve as your Trustee, I regrettably must submit my resignation before I have a nervous breakdown.

When I ran for office, I didn't realize I would actually have to come to secret board meetings and second your every motion to go after members who refused to live by your rules. You know, the ones we keep voting on and don't ask members what they want? The duties listed for Trustees forgot to mention we would be fining neighbors for planting tulips instead of begonias, parking in front of their own homes, and opening their garage doors for more than 15 minutes at a time. Of course I realize we don't have to fine our friends and can grant waivers for those who kiss our ass, but I am not comfortable with selective enforcement and find it distasteful to remove the toilet paper adorning my house so frequently.

When Martha sat on the curb and cried after we completed the non judicial foreclosure, I had a difficult time explaining to the deputy that it was because she refused to get rid of the cat after her husband died. I did change my email as you suggested with the death threats pouring in but considering your mother-in-law down the block from you, has had two cats for the last 10 years, it was hard to explain to Martha and her neighbors why hers was not grandfathered in too.

When the members came in mass with pitch forks after we assessed them for the new golf course, I wondered why you found it so problematic to actually put the notion to a vote. I realize it will increase property values with a golf course in the area, but how high can property values go since we have mostly double-wides in this subdivision? Having the attorney write and explain how members would be charged with ultra vires if they continued to harass the board regarding the new golf course worked. Now our neighbors are forming a coalition to petition the board for recall.

My resignation is effective immediately. I will always remember my term in office with some affection as it led to having Martha take up residence in my back room. She is quite the chef and I'm afraid my culinary druthers are now spoiled. I am off to locate the guy with the petition and I assure you, none of the alligators released in the pond in the common area are mine and none of the kittens left on your front porch came from Martha's cat.

With Warmest Regards,

Your Faithfull Volunteer