It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood
Won't you beat my neighbor?
Article Courtesy of The Miami Herald

 
Posted : Sun, Apr. 06, 2003
By ANABELLE de GALE

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. Won't you beat my neighbor?

Peace is not at hand in South Florida condominiums. Pudgy pooches and lobby décor are at the center of raging battles on the home front. Alliances are being formed. Lawsuits are being filed. Revenge is being plotted.

Welcome to the Condo Wars.

'It's the best free comedy show around. If you don't take it too seriously, you can sit back and say, `I don't believe these people,' '' said Bob Valledor, owner of Valledor Company Realtors, a Miami property mangement company.

After 15 years of running condos, Valledor's business no longer takes on the hassles of high-rises. ``I got frustrated and just couldn't handle it anymore. I honestly believe people who run for the board want to make things better, but as soon as they hold an elected position they go nutsoid.''

Once that happens, Valledor said, ''Condo Commandos'' take justice into their own hands.

A fitting example: The Cricket Club.

It was campaign season at the North Miami condo. Condo Board Association president Barbara Schindler was running for reelection. A few suspicious board members were convinced residents were selling out for kickbacks -- votes for Barbara in exchange for favors, like lower fees and preferred parking.

Those board members were a little over-enthusiastic about catching her in the act. And, well, they tapped her phone. A fine idea -- except for the criminal part.

The board members recorded one of her conversations with another resident and later replayed the tape at a board meeting, Barbara said.

''I was angry,'' she said. ``But not surprised.''

Barbara called the police. Then she sued the association.

Calls made to the association's attorney were not returned.

A few months ago, Barbara settled. She's not saying for how much. She's also mum on what was on the now infamous tape.

''Let's just say I lost the election,'' Barbara said. ``These days, I just mind my own business.''

Barbara's husband, Irvin, doesn't mind the drama so much.

''Some threaten, some sue, some move. Frequently, you engage in fisticuffs,'' he said. ``If you're not directly involved and your pocketbook is not directly involved, it can be fun.''

Love Thy Neighbor? Not these folks. Check out a sample of other squabbles:

• A Coral Gables unit owner was asked to shave his dog and put it on a diet to make it meet the building's weight limitations.

• A Miami Beach woman tried to disguise Fido as Fifi. Cats were allowed. Dogs were not. She tried to pass the canine off as a feline -- and got busted.

• One resident filed a complaint with Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation when the Sabal Palm Condo of Pine Island Ridge Association said ''no'' to his inner tube and ''yes'' to his swimming noodle.

• A North Miami Beach man claimed that being forced to replace his dilapidated screen door violated his First Amendment rights to express himself.

• One Coral Gables association recently considered installing $20,000-worth of security cameras in its elevators just to bust the hound that had been doing its business inside the lift.

Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation requires nonbinding arbitration in assorted condo disputes before a lawsuit can be filed. But in a small percentage of cases, property owners aren't willing to give in to governing boards. They can end up spending thousands in litigation fees.

Don't always blame the associations, said Michael Gelfand, a West Palm Beach-based attorney and cochair of the Florida Bar's Condominium and Planned Development Committee.

''There are expectations when people move into communities that are impossible to fulfill. Many people move in expecting a Ritz-type service, but they only want to pay Motel Six,'' Gelfand said. ``It's not really fair. In a perfect world, directors would be better communicators, but they are not paid or trained. They are volunteers.''

Florida has more than 20,000 condo associations, according to the Community Association Institute, a national group dedicated to ''promoting harmony'' among property owners.

And why can't we all just get along?

''As long as you have people, parking and pets, you're going to have problems,'' said Coral Springs' Paul D. Grucza, president-elect of the institute. ``Many have never been in a position of authority, and once they taste the power it sometimes can go to their head. The key is education.''

The institute offers training seminars to teach board members how to lead and avoid costly mistakes.

Speaking of costly mistakes. . .

Dr. Steven Green was out $34,000 after his. A holistic dentist, Green has spent the past 12 years living at Pelican Reef, a waterfront condo in Coconut Grove. But at the end of this month, he's got to go.

The saga, according to Green, began with a few too many patio plants. Then condo President Gunther Steen said the water from the plants was damaging the exterior of the building. Plus the pots were ugly -- black and not terra cotta, Green recalled.

After much disagreement, Green moved half of the foliage, planting them on a sliver of public land next to the building. Someone soon uprooted the plants and dumped them.

Whodunit?

Green was sure it was Steen.

He replanted. Again the garden was destroyed.

''I thought the world would not be right unless there was garbage raining down on his head,'' Green said.

Here comes the costly mistake part.

Green was taking out the trash when he saw Steen sitting in the building's guard booth. Infuriated over his garden, he snapped, socking Steen with the bag.

Steen went to the hospital. Green went to jail.

''They made me the condo hero,'' Green said. ``I'm not a fighter. The garbage bashing was the result of my being mad as a hatter.''

Steen, who was not seriously hurt, sued. The neighbors settled with the condition that Green move.

Steen declined to be interviewed, saying only through his wife that the incident was behind them.

''I'm very happy I'm not going to be living there anymore,'' said Green, who sold his place and is relocating to another condo -- two blocks away. ``It was like living in a prison. I feel so internally free right now.''